Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
