I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I will pee on everything he values.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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