In the future we'll all be gay
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
