Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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