spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
