and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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