My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
