Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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