Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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