you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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