I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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