So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
