You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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