I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
