just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
