so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
