fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
