I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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