So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
