There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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