you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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