This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
