Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
