Plan B is the new Plan A
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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