You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
