Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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