I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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