Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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