I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
