Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
