I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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