yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
