How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
