I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
