do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
