she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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