you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
