Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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