my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
