How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
