umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
