ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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