He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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