as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize