it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
