Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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