Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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