I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
