Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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