You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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