Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
