I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
