I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
