I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
