I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
