if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
