No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
