Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
