I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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