just tell him i said nine months
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
