If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
