I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
