well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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