i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
COCAINE IS GR8
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
