Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's blow job season.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is my gift to your gina
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
