would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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