Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
