Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
