Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
