no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this boner is exhausting
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
