He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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