I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
