So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
