i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
