and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
