i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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