plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
