You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
