i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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